The Up And Down World That I Call Mine

Random....

2009-05-05T14:27:00.003-04:00

It seems that when you live a busy life blogging is not high on the do do list.

Well we are still waiting for our new baby girl to be born. I wonder how this is going to be. I remember when my son was born. I even blogged about it towards the beginning of my writing.

I was a total wreck.

So I will write the new baby story after I live it.

Still nothing on TN. Not sure if it is a God thing after all. Real bad timing I guess. I am still praying about it.

I just turned 30. People are making it a big deal. It is just another day and another year. It is life. I feel good and am planning for this to be the first decade in my life that I am not a big fat monster.

I got a bodybugg. I hope it helps me. It is a lot of money. It sounds great. I will let you know how my weight loss goes.

H1N1 and the economy..ENOUGH already. My economy has been down for a while. I work to jobs (happily) to make extra money. I can give a crap about millionaire cry babies at GM and the like.

Donkey and elephants. Left wing and right wing.....ENOUGH just run the country the right way.

Talk to ya later in the future.

Yeah..Okay!! Whatever!!

2008-11-06T15:32:00.006-05:00

It is still very hard to tell what is going to happen. I got my first rejection email for a job I applied for. I thought that with my experience and all I've done in cardiology, there was no way I would be rejected. I have no idea what happened. They probably wont tell me, they said not to respond to the email they sent me.

I applied for another job. I talked with a HR person. He told me the job won't be available until 2009. OK...then why post it now, UMMM....Wait until you can hire someone. It seems as of now that is the best job for me. It would give me a start to running my own department. I'm not sure about the money, middle TN pays less (I think).

My friend seems to be in the same position. He is applying everywhere. He is having the same luck as me. I wonder just how many in the USA are going through this. If you watch the news you would think everyone.

How can I move and buy a house? I have not sold the one we have. We have been working on the house, it is getting fixed up. It will happen soon (faith just has to work).

Hey, my old church, it looks like there are really slipping. They are doing a whole message series on Heaven. You guys should see the video. REALLY BAD!! Come on, y'all for real. Let me do the summary according to them. Have a relationship with God, that's it, you got your ticket for heaven. Yeah, I got it.

We got a new president. I knew we would. We had a 50-50 chance on who it would be. Good odds I think.

That is enough for now.

Ummm..What feeling is this?

2008-10-30T10:58:00.006-04:00

Have you ever had a feeling like something has to change? Do you ever get to the point were you know something has got to give? Where you just know it is time?

It seems that I am there. I feel like everything is about to be so different soon. I'm not sure what it is going to be, but I know it is on its way.

I have nothing here. I have no family, not a lot of friends, and barely a church. I have a house I really don't like, a baby on its way, and a area of the country that I can give a crap about. Every morning I get an icky feeling about my job. My boss is very different now and not sure what it means. Whatever, let him be a _________. I'm done caring, I do what I got too and move on.

I have not lost my dreams yet. I know God still has a plan. Just like my last post I have no idea what the next step is. It was so easy when I just didn't like a church, now it is so much more.

I try to read the prayer of St. Francis every day ( I have it on my wall at work). Sometimes it means nothing to me, once in a while it hits me. I try hard.

My kids are very different now in school. They were so great now my oldest seems to be struggling and wants no help from us. I guess she wants to prove she an do it on her own.

I'm just confused is all. I guess answers will come soon, they have too.

I am just a little frustrated. I do thank God that my wife understands. I think she is in the same place as me.

What Is the Next Step?

2008-10-29T16:28:00.004-04:00

As you may or may not know we are having baby #4. This puts us in a very interesting position. You see we have a small 3 bedroom house that we barely fit in now. So we are looking to sell and then buy a house. WOW...talk about bad timing (some say)

A friend sent me a myspace email well over two months ago telling me he left VA and is very happy. He told me he know sells houses and still does his music on the side.

I was interested in what he said, I emailed him...and he called me back (that's what friends do)

He told me so many good things about were he lives. He told me about the good prices on homes, good schools, people, and good schools. So of course I was interested. He sent me some listings and boy was he right. It has really made looking for houses around here hard. We can get so much house for so much less.

I have put a application in at two hospitals and will see if they want to hire me or not. A job and the money that pay good will be the big questions to answer.

OK....SO were is this great place..Tennessee..some small towns around Nashville.

We have some friends that are from there and that have family out there and they say it is great. So it is all in the air. A move is going to have to be made. If it is in Richmond or somewhere else (like TN) will be still an adventure to live through.

The new baby will be born in May, we want to have an idea of the future way before then if possible. Please whoever might happen to read this, pray for us. We just want what is best for the family. We don't know the next step. Well I guess no one does but God. I just hope I can make a good choice. This is one of those times that the wrong move can really devastate a lot of people.

Nicholas is One

2008-10-15T20:02:00.007-04:00

Well is has been a whole year since my night of HELPLESS (you can see the old post below)

My son just turned one year old. I could not believe just how quick the year went. Everyone told me, I just did not believe them.

He went from a little helpless 7 pound baby to a walking 21 pound real live boy.He had a lot of baby toys, the same ones he has had for a while. He just seemed like a baby to me.His birthday came and WOW the difference. Now he has trucks, wood blocks, buses, trains, and logo type blocks. NOW he is all boy!

He loved his ride and pull truck a lot. We also got him a light-up mirror and sing-along toy. He loved that a lot too. He was giving the baby kisses. It was funny. However, not as funny as his little cupcake.

He had the cupcake in front of him, and then he went for it. Talk about a mess. You can guess chocolate everywhere. Yeah, I agreed with my wife presents first then messy cake.Well he needed a quick bath to get cleaned up. It took me queit a while to clean up his high-chair and the table.

Earlier in the day Mere took him to the Richmond Zoo. I was lucky enough that I had a light morning and meet them there. He sure does love animals. He feed them and it seemed that the white tiger lit him up the most. He loves cats; hey a tiger is a pretty big cat. We also got him a stuffed tiger. I think he loved it quick.

This years’ Oct 14th was tons different than last ones. I did not feel so helpless but I know we needed Oct 07 to get to Oct 08.I do thank God for my family. Two wonderful girls and the baby boy.Oh, yeah, we have another baby coming. Yes sir, right around my birthday. Sorry you are not allowed to have a party for me.

We are having a different kind of birthday around that time.Now we have to sell and buy a house. Yeah, I know interesting timing. God will provide, there is only so much I can do. Wait and see what the futre holds for us.

WOW! I forgot about this blog

2008-10-03T21:10:00.005-04:00

Yo,

Ever since I was blocked out at work ( stupid Websense blocking Company) I have not gotten on here to blog.... I been busy....well I pretty much have forgot about this blog.

You would think something that got me in so much trouble a year ago would always be in my mind...Oh well!!

Ive been trying to get my music going. The response has not been too grand. But, I must keep going. Most people that have heard it says it good, but they are friends (you know how that goes).

I know I am not what sells or even what is hot, and I'm glad. However, I would like to get my stuff heard. I just don't seem to fit. "Regular" Hip Hop doesn't want me and "Holy" Hip Hop thinks I'm a "pagan" just cause I don't say Jesus 148709 times in a song.

I did, well lets say " a show' with a group called Union Kamp a few weeks back. A guy named XL, it's his group. It was at Randolph Macon and was going to be a warm up for a show at the Canal Club with D-12.Well it was not very good, it kind of sucked to be honest. We were late, nobody cared we were up there, the band messed up a lot....AND I had a short mic cord. For anyone that knows me a short mic cord does not work for me.

Then we found out D-12 cancelled there tour (they figured out that with out Eminem nobody really cares) and because of the wack show XL cancelled the Canal Club. The show was still going to happen with a few local bands, he was not going to do it.

I don't think he did the show. You see I haven't talked to him since the RMC show.

I don't think XL liked my stuff to much or I didn't do a good job for him (I was the "hype man")

Well here is were you can get a sample...

www.myspace.com/upmostmusic
www.ourstage.com/profile/upmost

Let me know what you think.

I'm am kind of stuck at 9 songs and 1 being a poem by my good friend J. Rae

I have some songs ready to go. I don't have enough beats. Can you believe that. I was the guy that had all beats and no songs...But the producer in me will get it going.

I did write, produce, and record a song for / with my Daughter Cece. She wanted to be a rapper.

Hey, I think it came out good.

I guess, I really have been busy.

Well with 3 kids, 3 jobs, and NO money you kind of move away from making hip hop.

I will get the rest done and then see what I can do with the album....

Well life has been life...I will fill y'all in some-other-time.

Just wanted to see if this still works!!

Peace!

Good Friday's Night

2008-03-23T10:47:00.005-04:00

Well I did not go to the Catholic Church like I was supposed to go. The girl never called me.

So I went to church with another person from my job. She goes to a church not to far from my job. I was a more traditional building, it was cute. The service was pretty nice, it was Good Friday so it was dim lighting and soft music. They read through Matthew chapter 27 then they had a short version of the stations of the cross. There was a cross with a nail in it, we hit it then had communion.

What I thought was funny is that they had the pastors there to pray for you. I waited may turn. When they got to me I went up to them and__________nothing. They wanted to know my prayer "petition" however, they did not ask for it. It was a little weired, then they finally asked what I wanted prayer for, so I said...ummmm my family. Then They stared praying, then they stopped__________nothing. They wanted me to add my name to the prayer. However, they didn't ask. Well after a few seconds pause hey asked for my name, so I told them. They prayed for about 30 sec, a very generic prayer. You know, God bless him and his family AHHH MEN.

Then my friend wanted me to meet the pastors. I meet there associate pastor, he was a kid (about 29). You know, thanks for coming and move on.

The exchange with the senior pastor was a bit funny to me.My friend had said that I was there because my church was not going on today. He asked were I went. I told him it was a start up church in Richmond. He wanted to know what kind it was. I said it was different. He said "OOOOOK". "Well, thanks for coming".

I was not about to talk theology and the emergent movement with this guy and a with a line waiting to shake his hand.

I noticed my friends face, she was smiling a bit. She wanted to know what I would say, she thought it was a hoot. She has been the only one on "my side" about missio, when everyone else has tried to stop me. So I couldn't be mad. She thinks it is a good idea, just not quite for her.

Anyway that's for now.

My Easter Weekend

2008-03-21T08:55:00.006-04:00

This is Easter weekend and I will be alone and working!

My wife and kids are going down to South FL for Spring Break. I am happy that they have the chance to go and see family, I just wish I could go with them. I will miss them!

I might be going to a church tonight for Good Friday. However, the person I'm supposed to go with as not returned calls or text. We will see.

Saturday is my first real day off in a long while ( and my last for a while). I have been working 3 jobs and I'm glad I can do that for my family. It just gets hard when you go and go, but it is all worth it!! I am planning to watch movies, read, and work on my music.

On Easter I will be working, this is a first for me. When I signed up for that day I didn't realize it was a holiday. Oh well, just shut up and do it.

The good part to this weekend is the chance I get to meet with my church on Sunday night. I cant wait. Everyone will be busy this weekend, but this is a good chance to chill and learn from each other. All my friends are going to be involved in 4 services this weekend, I do miss it a bit (and then I don't miss it at all). So Sunday night will be a good release of the stress!

I will let y'all know how it goes.

GOD bless and have a Happy Easter!!

Some Brigid Marlin Paintings

2008-02-29T14:18:00.009-05:00

These are a few oil paintings from Brigid Marlin. She is an amazing artist from England. She has a lot of paintings available ( some a little weird ).

These paintings really showed me the state of the church. These appear to be what is and/or has happened to the church as we know it.

To better appreciate these and see more there is a web site up with more of her work. She is about 72 years old now, you would think she was younger by what her mind comes up with.

I would like to know what you guys think of these. The last one is a bit freaky, but I feel represents us more than we think. We are all spiritually starved, so we "eat" what the "world" gives us.

Well I thought all these were awesome.

Flight of the Churches

Hope and Despair

Cathedral Drowned

Wolves at St. Marks

Eaters

Hope you liked them. I hope you get it, not everyone will understand.

It Sucks When Your Kids Are Sick

2008-02-21T16:03:00.006-05:00

Wow this has been a hard two weeks.
All my kids are now sick with the influenzia virus (the flu doesnt sound bad enough)

First Abby got sick, then Cece, and now my baby boy. The coughing has been non-stop. Sleeping has been hard. I feel so so so bad for my wife. She has been going and going with these kids for days. I dont know how she has done it.

Then Abby broke her wrist and had to go get a cast. Not as easy as that may sound. The doctor didnt think it was broken, so she made her run to an imaging center and then wait at home. The whole time her wirst was broken and had to then go again to another doctor to get the cast. All that could have been done in one stop. Oh, now they want a scan to look at her bones (she has had a few breaks in the past).

All the while all the kids are sick, coughing, and not sleeping, my wife even had a medical scare her own self. Well, THANK GOD!!! A scare is all it was. Just a few minor things that can be fixed. I just ask that you pray for us.

I can't wait until all this is over. I know a lot of you out there have been though all of this. So you guys know how bad it is.

Just an other adventure in parenting.

My Home Studio Story (Condensed)

2008-02-18T12:13:00.003-05:00

I am in the process of getting my home studio going. I just spent a ton of money on some of the equipment and programs I needed to get it going.

I am trying to learn Pro-Tools, Reason, Appleton Live, and I whole bunch of other programs.

This is always what I wanted. My dream was to go to school for recording arts engineering. But, I listened to my parents and alas....I'm in cardiac ultrasound (not my dream job).

So after reading all these books, particularly Soul Cravings, I felt it was time to do something.

So I got the stuff.

I was so nervous and very worried about getting this equipment. I circled the inside of Guitar Canter for about 30 min, just looking. I was scared to ask for help. Then I went and sat in my car for about 20 min trying to figure out if I should get it or not. Trying to work up the courage to ask a few questions.

Well I ended up getting it. I hooked it all up...then I told my wife.....I think I need to return it all. I made excuses about the money and how hard it was. She told me that I knew it would be expensive and not easy.

I now have all this stuff. I just need to get good at it all now.

Hey, if anyone has song ideas or topics let me know.

Well I will see how it goes.

If anyone know how to use any of these programs and is willing to help HOLLA!! And if any one wants free studio time let me know. Maybe I will have it figured out by then.

I'm Not A Fortuneteller

2008-01-25T11:21:00.000-05:00

My mind thinks that I am. The truth is I am not.

Let me explain. I think I know what is going to happen to me. I already think I know the outcomes before the event even happens.

I say "I'm going to lose weight", my mind has already told me I'm not.
I say "I'm going to read for 30min everyday", my mind says "No you are not."
My mind decides and because of past events, it says "the future will be the same." My mind says "that it is hopeless". "I'm never going to change". "It will always be like this". Then for some reason....I believe it, and then alas....It happens just like my mind told me it will.

I just need to get my mind in line with my desires. I desire a lot of things, my mind tells me that "it wont happen". At times it is like my mind has a deep seeded routine that it wont break. It works on auto-pilot and no matter what I do, I cant control it.

These are called cognitive distortions. We all have them. Mine just seems to take too much control. I say I wont eat a lot, my mind tells my body that "Oh yes you will eat a lot." I have a vacation in July that I'm planning, I cant even fit into my shorts. WOW! I have lost weight in the past, but it comes back. I have lost a few this year so far, but I'm no close to control yet.

The mental health profession also calls it "self talk". I had a old pastor (I miss him a lot) that called it "stinky thinking". See I know that facts and I know the terms. It just doesn't seem to make a difference (see that is just another example of how it works for me).

I have been reading tons of books. I get on a roll, then my mind says "Oh it wont make a difference in the future", so I stop. I have been reading Erwin McManus' Soul Cravings and I must say the section on desire and hope has really spoken to me.

I just need to take the incite and let God take control of my mind. I don't know what is going to happen. I have no idea what to expect, I just need to tell the "whatever it is" in my head to back the @#$* up!

My desire for this year more than anything is to get control of my mind, body, and soul (Oh how cliche'). I have goals and good reasons to reach them, I just can't pretend I know the future anymore.

This might not make sense to the people out there, but this is one of my struggles. I even have (you will never guess what) a book on this very subject (not the one pictured above). So there it is, the up and down world that I call mine.

What Church Do I Go To?

2008-01-22T08:59:00.000-05:00

Wow has it been really that long since I wrote something? I guess so.

I got an interesting E-mail the other day from someone from my "old church". I was asked what church I was going to now. I found that an intriguing question. I was not sure the motivation for that question. Was it to be nosey and gossip to the others? Was it because he wanted to go were I am going? OR did he have an honest desire to know because he cases about me? I don't really know this guy that much, but we were cool and was in a class together.

Well to put it like this, I have been going to a new "organic" church, a church of community, a church of growth, a church of love. This is the first time that church has made my think. The first time I was allowed to question my faith and not just be a "yes man" "preach it brother" person.

I have learned SO much these last few months it is incredible. I have been reading more than ever before. I am looking forward to new books. I am really looking forward to learning new things. Man if I was like this in school, I would have been a doctor by now.

(Well my church as been on hold for a while due to circumstances beyond any ones control. But we will be back soon, and I cant wait.)

Brain McLaren, Doug Pagit, Rob Bell, Erwin McManus, Shane Claiborne...(etc) are all my NEW favorite authors and people I would just love to meet and be a part of what they are doing.

It was funny when I was 18-22 I was lost. I looked to Scientology, I did research in school about the "dark arts", I wanted anything but Christianity. It is funny I was "emergent" and didn't even know it.

So to answer my email, I will say "My church is home". "My church is real". "My church is the way I should have been this whole time."

You Just Need To Chill, It's Only Christmas

2007-12-12T12:29:00.000-05:00

I have been very busy with people going crazy about Christmas (OH sorry "the Holidays"). I have done so many stress tests and heart monitors on people that are just so stressed out.
OK about what? Buying things? Presents? Money?

You all need to relax.

It's only Christmas, not the end of all mankind!!!

I heard of some pastors giving "Holy Spirit filled" messages about the stress of the Holidays. I feel that the Christmas message and stress really should not go together. (Yes I know that Holiday schedules, kids, programs at school, parties, work gatherings, decorations, what to get for your boss...so on and so on) I GET IT!

However, coming from pastors, COME ON, Are you serious? Teach about the joy of giving time to others (that is not stressful), teach about helping others (that is not stressful), teach about the real joy that this celebration is really about. Don't push the whole stress mantra. Don't let people get sucked in.

It seems that even churches and Christians do get to caught up in the (as Charlie Brown says) "commercialization" of Christmas.

Just chill, don't kill yourself to get people stuff they don't need. I had a patient that says she has 39 (really 39) people to shop for and she just cant handle to "pressure of it all". Chill, enjoy time with people. Don't get caught up in all the hype. I bet all those 39 people just want to hang out and be with her. Gifts are secondary NOT the primary goal (well maybe for kids--Thanks TV advertisers).

I have been getting this question a lot about what do I want for Christmas, this year I have no answer. I really don't need anything. I got my family, a good job, money to pay bills, and yes a few gifts for my kids. Hey no stress for me (I just must be lucky or something like it).

Hey I may be wrong about all this but, unrealistic expectations are a key cause of family-related stress over the holidays.

A quote from Robert Billingham an associate professor from the University of Indiana:

"Focus on the meaning of the holiday, not the problems (such as finances and travel). "The holidays deal with the appreciation for what we have, the fact that we have enough to survive, to exist and to be comfortable," Billingham said. "It's very simplistic, but the more we can focus on those types of issues and less on things such as the perfect family image or the perfect holiday image, we're better off."

WOW, this guy is not even a pastor and he gets it!

*Also check out my post "Simple Christmas" for more of my thoughts.

Man...Are We In Trouble

2007-12-04T16:33:00.001-05:00

Well I just finished having two very interesting conversations with two different people. Both conversations were similar and at the end no matter what I said..I WAS WRONG (according to them)

Well the first one was about a bus ministry, a tract ministry, and a knocking-on-door ministry. The man I was talking to said that his Baptist church has all three of these ministries and they are not working well. He said that the youth go out every Saturday to the local parks, put a bus in front of it, pass out tracts, and invite kids to church. The adults go every Friday night and knock on doors around the area. His church is not getting a good response, there church is getting older and not a lot of new and young people are coming in. He said that as long as one person "gets saved" it is all worth it and he didn't care about the rest. (I agree and very much disagree at the same time).

The other conversion was also about tracts and knock on doors. I was told that a few people respond to knock-on-doors and tracts (not many) but as long as one person "gets saved" it is all worth it.

More importantly, I just get a BIG lecture on church organization. Apparently I am not reading my bible and don't know what a "real and biblical church" should look like. I was told you need to have a senior pastor, a few associate pastors. You must have deacons and elders. You must have committees to make decisions, you need to have church meetings so people can vote on what is to happen.

OK.....and I AM THE ONE that doesn't know what a "real and biblical church" should look like. Oh.... I was also told that a church with couches in it is wrong, that you need rows (pews are best).

WOW I'm so glad I had that lesson.

It is so funny this happens not even one day after reading the chapter about organized religion in Dan Kimball's they like Jesus book.

I told the first guy that the bus and door knocking ministry is not working because there is no relationship. Kids are not going to trust someone that gives them a tract from 1977 and says "Hey you need Jesus". He didn't seem to get it. Hey if one gets saved....OH BOY he must have said that 34 times.

OH and about the organized church. I was told that me, my church, and the whole emerging church movement is wrong. She hopes that I find a real church. She hopes I get out of this faze I'm going through.

Can anybody say "And this is First Baptist. 10 yeas ago they had a few hundred people in it, Oh but that congregation got old and died. BUT hey look at that pipe organ and pulpit ain't they pretty."

Regarding: Peppermint-Filled Pinatas

2007-11-29T12:45:00.000-05:00

After reading this review it sounds like a book we should all read. It seems that this is the part we tend miss at times. Being part of a church should be about embracing love. I pray that we can be a church like this. This is regarding the book : Peppermint-Filled Pinatas by Erick Michael Bryant

Review done by:Cheryl Russell "Book reviewer, writer"

Most churches don't react well to diversity. The inclination is to turn inward and preserve what is familiar. But is that the right way to react to those people that are different? Not according to the author, a staff leader at Mosaic, an LA church known for its diversity. Using humor and personal stories, Eric re-introduces a better way, one that originated with a humble Carpenter over two thousand years ago.

People need to be seen as unique individuals, important in their own right.

Love is the strongest apologetic there is, but has been lost in the plethora of programs and rules. Outdated ways that no longer work in this more diverse world. But this new, yet not new, way is risky.

Relationship building takes time. Stepping out of one's comfort zone is a frightening prospect for many. Pain can be the result when one's attempts at friendship are rejected. Most people are content to remain within the familiar, under the sometimes false assumption it is a safer place to be. Eric speaks from experience.

As a BWG (bald white guy) he's experienced rejection and criticism based on his looks and others' assumptions. But he hasn't allowed those experiences to make him bitter or cynical. Instead, he reacts with humor and grace, telling us of a better way to live and interact with those around us. This is a book that has a home on my keeper shelf.

"Simple Christmas"

2007-11-26T12:50:00.000-05:00

During this holiday season it appears that a lot of people are going to stress them selves into panic and heart attacks. There are some people that go into a years worth of debt just to buy presents for people that they don't even talk to the rest of the year. We need to remember that this is about Jesus, people, and NOT gifts. It is about loving family, friends, co-workers, and anybody else. This is the time that we reflect on the past year and make decisions for the next.

This year it seems to be "trend" for a lot of people. They are doing what I call a "simple Christmas". A simple Christmas means not a ton of gifts for people, not a lot of parties, no extravagant decorations. Just simple family, friends, and of course food.

Is it because of money, gas, or the economy?? I personally hope it is that we have woken-up and realized that a "simple Christmas" is a good Christmas. Since my wife and I are now an one income family, we are defiantly going "simple". I told my kids don't expect 30 plus gifts this year as in years past. I wish I could continue to give them stuff, but the gift of love should be enough. The lessons they learn now, are the lessons that they will take with them forever. The lessons about the true meaning of Christmas, the lessons about helping others.

The lesson that it is not about toys and more stuff. I feel that the less kids get the more they appreciate what they do have. My wife has read to my daughters all the Little House on the Prairie books, their Christmas was a great example of simple. Kids would get one doll, and they would love it forever. We need to learn from times past, when simple was all they had, and they loved it.

I hope that we can all slow down and remember that this is about Jesus and the gift he gave us. Jesus came because of love and we need to remember that. Somehow in this American culture we have seemed to lose that. We have become like the Hoos that live in Hooville. Dr. Seuss wrote that story years ago, yet it is more true today than ever before.

Hey, if the Grinch can figure it out so should we.

Two Hurting People

2007-11-25T12:36:00.000-05:00

I have been reading this book by Dan Kimball called "They like Jesus but not the Church". At first I was not sure about the whole thing about people not liking the church. I was not sure about people feeling this way. I thought he was just in places he should have not been. It seemed that I was in this bubble that I created and was not really in the world. Everyone around me is a Christian. I have only friends that went to my church. I did the Christian things, I was walking around blind to the reality that we all live in.

Over the last year my family and I have had a really bad church experience. The peak of it just came about a few weeks ago. When it all went down, I realized that the church can hurt you and pastors really can be right-out-mean. I have realized that there is more than hard-core conservative thinking out there. Since then I have been reading and learning more about Jesus. Learning from people much wiser than my self.

On Friday I had a unique opportunity, I was working at St. Francis Medical Center. The radiology nurse and the EKG tech were both on duty with me and we all had a slow day. We spent a lot of the day talking about different topics. We spoke of family, relationships, tattoos, piercings, work, and so on. I chose not to judge them, I chose to be a friend and just listen and share my own experience with them.

Well after lunch, somehow....Religion and the Church come up. I came to find out that both of them HATE going to Church. They have both been judged and practically kicked out of their churches and even their own families.

One of them had a brother that was going to be a pastor, he went to school for one semester and did not like it. His parents and grandparents felt that was wrong and don't talk to him much anymore. She was also in a long relationship with a man and didn't always stick to the 10 commandments about sex. She was labeled a sinner and told she should could not be a part of the youth / young adults group and not come back to the church until she married the guy or "fixed" herself.

The other one was divorced, and is now a single parent. Her church would not allow her to be part of any church group because of her sin (divorce). They also found out she has tattoos and a belly ring, they told her she needed to remove them or else they could not accept her.

Well they spoke well of Jesus and the Bible. The were just hurt by the people of their churches. The both understood that they are just people, just church goers that feel what they are doing is right. One told me see used to take missions trips every summer to different countries, she feels bad about that now. She feels like she may have deceived people into believing something she now feels is wrong.

I took the opportunity to tell them what I feel and believe about Jesus and the church. I seem to have stuck a chord with them both. They really want God they really want to follow Jesus. They both feel they are "to far gone" and their church would never have them back (not that they want to go back). They know they need to be forgiven. One said I should be a pastor (I laughed). They both said they would like to go to a church that believed the way I did. I told them I will let them know when it happens.

Now I know from both my experience and what they told me, there is a world out there of people that are looking for something different. A place that can understand them. A place not so quick to judge them and throw them under the bus so quickly.

I pray that God can use me to find more people like them and help build a place for them to feel loved and free. A place were they can be themselves, be forgiven, and live like Jesus wants them to live.

Christian Enough

2007-11-20T13:06:00.000-05:00

I have been hearing this term (a lot )"Christian enough" not being, is being, not acting...Christian enough.

What the heck does that mean?

Matthew 22: 36-39 NIV says:

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"

37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart

and with all your soul and with all your mind.'

38This is the first and greatest commandment.

39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

Love God first and then people! Right? Did I miss something?

This command has nothing to do with (as Dan Kimball calls it) "the Christan bubble"?

We don't need to be Christan enough, we don't need to wear Got Jesus? T-shirts. We need to act just like Jesus.

We need to stop acting the way we think we should act. We need to stop reading the "script" handed down by other Christians.

We need to BE like Jesus. We need to love people, treat people with respect, and even (wait for it) treat people nicely, even those that don't even go to your church.

I was hearing about this movie "The Golden Compass"

with Nichole Kidman and some other guy.

It has a lot of controversy around it.

They are saying it is about kids trying to kill god

(not sure if it is capital G or lowercase).

They are calling this movie atheism for kids.

Well if we (Christians) boycott, is that being Christian enough.

If we go to see it, is that not being Christan enough?

I'm not sure, but I think most of the problem is this 'enough' part.

What we do will never be enough, that's why keep trying to be enough.

You keep trying to be Christian enough we push those that are not out of the way.

We are making yourselves out like the Muslims do. Muslims kill

Muslims that are not "good enough".

So good enough.....According to who? Are we going to kill each other

because we feel someone is not Christian enough? It might sound funny,

but it could happen.

There as been religious wars in the past.

Hey man I don't know you but.....

.......Is that Christian enough??

Peter Howson

2007-11-16T21:12:00.000-05:00

Jesus Among The Outcasts 2005 by Peter Howson

The Family Baseball Battle (Part 322,345,641,433)

2007-11-16T17:48:00.000-05:00

A HOUSE DIVIDED

This part below is from Me

Abby is a lost cause. She says she still likes the Yankees

This is a very sad day for me.

I wish I could turn back time and start over again. I will still

pray for her and hope she changes her mind. Nicholas (my son)

will be getting a brand new Mets blanket soon.

I hope Abby will like it to.

She Says "Daddy is crazy"

Well I must admit, I think she is.

I will never ever be able to watch, talk, or be around her when

it comes to baseball.

Abby and I will never be baseball friends again.

I don't think she even cares, she thinks it is funny.

If this was paper my tears would be all over it!!

This part below is by CeCe!!(Jason's daughter)

MY SISTER IS CRAZY!!!!

When she said she DISLIKED the Mets, I was like,OH MY GOSH!!

My favorite things in life are music,dance, baseball ,and football.

I used to like the Yankees until Daddy told me that his favorite team was the Mets.

I instantly changed to the Mets because I like any team that my dad likes.

Daddy always says,"This battle will go on forever."

I hoped you liked my blog, see you next time on .....

"I hate the Yankees!" blog!!

This part below is by Abby !!(Jason's daughter)

My daddy is crazy because, He likes the Mets.

I like the Yankees however, I like the Mets a little bit.

My sister is crazy just like my dad.

My mom is not a big baseball fan, but when she

watches it she likes the Mets to.

I think my whole family is crazy.

I Don't Care If.....

2007-11-15T20:31:00.000-05:00

Alex Rodriguez does sign a deal with the Yankees....

I will stick to my heart and still "HATE" them!

I should have known better from the start anyway, never trust the Yanks....
I made up my mind, screw A-Rod,The Yankees and all the money!

Hey Mr. April......Get some integrity, you said you were leaving! I was ready to see you leave the team I have hated my whole life!!

Why you gotta let me down!!

Now I have to question if I even like him anymore.

You know, that's OK I got a third baseman on the other side of town that I like better anyway!

If you are confused (I know I got a LOT of new readers)....Hey I see you guys.....

Read my old post called: Yankee Hater (Again) 10/30 you can see why I'm MAD!

PS....
I STILL HATE THE BRAVES EVEN MORE!!
That will never change!!

We're Not Oblivious To His Sly Ways

2007-11-13T21:13:00.000-05:00

That's why I decided not to make another visit that could only be painful to both of us.
If by merely showing up I would put you in an embarrassingly painful position,
how would you then be free to cheer and refresh me?

That was my reason for writing a letter instead of coming—so I wouldn't have to
spend a miserable time disappointing the very friends I had looked forward to cheering me up.

I was convinced at the time I wrote it that what was best for me was also best for you.
As it turned out, there was pain enough just in writing that letter,
more tears than ink on the parchment.

But I didn't write it to cause pain;
I wrote it so you would know how much I care—oh, more than care—love you!

Now, regarding the one who started all this—
the person in question who caused all this pain—

I want you to know that I am not the one injured in this as much as,
with a few exceptions, all of you.

So I don't want to come down too hard.
What the majority of you agreed to as punishment is punishment enough.

Now is the time to forgive this man and help him back on his feet.
If all you do is pour on the guilt, you could very well drown him in it.
My counsel now is to pour on the love.

The focus of my letter wasn't on punishing the offender but on getting you

to take responsibility for the health of the church.
So if you forgive him, I forgive him.
Don't think I'm carrying around a list of personal grudges.
The fact is that I'm joining in with your forgiveness, as Christ is with us, guiding us.

After all, we don't want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief
—we're not oblivious to his sly ways!

I Think They Don't Get It

2007-11-11T13:49:00.000-05:00

OK so we went to another church today, so the kids would have some sense of
a normal church life.

The kids service was really good. The kids loved it and want to go back. So we will
be back nex week.

I did notice however, that there were no young people / young adults in the rest of the church.
I saw kids and teenagers.
I saw people in there forties, fifties, and sixties.
I even thought I saw older than that.

NO 18-35 year olds!!!

Were are they?

I know they exist.

I am one of them.

I love Jesus. I love His teachings, and what He represents. I know most of us do!!
Why has it not been addressed in the Richmond area??

I just hope it can be fixed soon.

What Happened When I Slowed Down

2007-11-11T10:49:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was a different kind of day form me.
Hopefully it will become the norm for me.

On Friday night I was listening to a very inspiring study, and made me think about the
way I view and treat people. I heard about our true mission.

Yesterday (Saturday)I went to my part-time job at Mary Washington Medical Center in
Fredricksburg. We were slammed with patients, however I decided to take my
time and take care of the people instead of pleasing the doctors and staff
with numbers.

Well, that decision was a great one, I slowed down and meet some incredible people.
Normally I would have just talked about the test, do the test, and move on. Wow,
some of the stories I heard really made me think differently about people. You see
when you are in the hospital, ones true feelings come out. The way you are in a
hospital really speaks of who you really are.

There was this one lady (about 5o yrs old) that just found out she has...

A very rare vitamin D deficiency (could be deadly)
A vary rare blood disease (possible cancer)
A unknown "super virus" that could kill her if they don't find out what it is
Found out she has a "golf ball' size brain tumor, that if not fixed in a few weeks will make her loose the whole left side of her brain (surgery can't be done until virus is fixed)
A possible heart condition that might need surgery as well

However.....

She was the most upbeat, energetic, funny lady I have meet in a long time. I was talking with her and her daughter, we actually had a good time during that 20min we were together.

She spoke of faith, hope, and love. She was such a happy person even though she did say she was scared out of her mind. She did confess to me that she was a little confused about it and was struggling with God about all of this.

Well, the thing that I fell made the biggest difference was that after the test I decided to talk to her about a book that I have read.

It was about a very rich and powerful man. I told her about how he lost everything, how he was sick, and still didn't lose his faith.

She was a interested to find out about the book. I told her the book and the man was Job. She seemed to change right then and there. She seemed to understand a lot more about what was going on. Her whole mood changed and I think something it her truly was different.

The moment left the room, I started praying for her. I hope my little visit helped her. It felt like it did. I have never had someone like that before.

I have a least four of five stories like that from yesterday, but that one was my favorite.

It is funny what we can do and learn when we take time to treat the person and not the disease.

I hope I can continue to reach others, and truly do the mission that has been placed before me.

I Wrote This Almost One Year Ago

2007-11-08T19:10:00.000-05:00

I'm Choosing To Be Happy

Trying to figure out my path to all things good

I'm trying to understand my life and all it could

Hard times hard luck hard struggle in mind

It feels like I'm walking around blind

No hope can I find in fire I can not get refined

Combined with this lie is where I'm at

Struggling in this spiritual combat, on-line mental chat and

It feels like no one is listening

Need a new start like a baby at a christening

Just need a boost let these feelings get reduced

I am choosing to be happy it just hasn't chosen me back

I'm not doing it on purpose

I'm just a bit off track out of whack

Trying to fit in and act

My script was torn apart now all I got left is me

What I lack is what I want back

Visions of the future

Visions of the past

Trying to figure out how long this will last

Talk it out take meds what is the solution?

In this day it sounds like noise pollution

Everyone has such great wisdom and advice

At times like this you need to think twice

Science and thereby sure they mix

Science with no faith-big miss

Yeah I'm sad

I can't see past my own self

Knowing others are bad I can't see past my own self

I fell so dark so alone

Like total blackness is what I call home

Trying to deal with it all can leave you worst then when you started

Locked up beast with no brains and only anger beside it

Once let go it is hard to control

No codes no locks no way of getting quiet a new low

Only when it is ready for silence total isolation

No one understands that is what my mind is telling me

It is a sham a bad destination

I know I'm getting hoodwinked I can't turn away from all of this

I'm being held by my own and my own wont let go

I want to be happy but my own wont let go

It is all in my head over and over like a echo

I'm not acting this way to get attention

It is actually the opposite

Did I mention I don't want people to make a big fuss

They love me so I guess they must

I don't act this out for you to see

I'd rather be left alone for only me to be

I'm living in this so called "sane" world

So I'm left looking on the outside in my own world

I don't need a diagnosis I don't need a fancy doctor

Ill just have my thoughts spin out of control like a crashing helicopter

I was sent anyway to a PhD

She looked at me

Said "Oh your not crazy"

She said "You just need some time to get over this"

This is old like you aren't even hearing this

I have been like this for so very long

I was surprised that this could still be a new song

In my mind this was written over a decade ago

Now it is just getting worst

I need to just let it go

I thought this was normal

To act out in rage and depression

Then I was told it could be a brain condition

I wonder if my help will be real this time

I don't know if there can really be a next time

It's More Than Just A Name Change For Me

2007-11-07T15:57:00.000-05:00

This has been a hard one to write... and to post....

Well my church has gone through a name change. This is supposed to represent the complete takeover of all of the Richmond metro area. This name is going to cement the global dominance of this church. It will be another attempt to create a mega church in a place that has a church every two blocks.

The goal is to what? Being able for people to say "Hey my church has 5 locations HA HA yours only has one." Is it so that people can gloat about how powerful the church is , how good speakers we have , and how many people we get to lead. Is it so more money can come in? I am not sure, but I feel I can no longer be part of it. To many things have changed for me.

To me it has changed a long time ago. Starting in December of 06, certain things happened in my life, things that lead me to some dark places. We went to the church for help, and it seemed to make things worst. And then it all hit me it seemed that certain people swore they had the answers, but I must admit they did not.

This whole year I have been unhappy in my church, I feel that it has all been a waste of time. My spirit was not growing there and I was feeling bad about it (not anymore). Now I understand, I myself was changing at the same time. I learned more from my friends and pastors that I downloaded to my iPod then my own.

The mood of the place has changed. The people are different. Everyone seems so phony. Everyone is playing the role of "perfect".

The songs and the messages are the same however. After 5 years it seems like I heard all the messages several times.

Let's see.. in 08 a relationship message, one about your job, one about giving, one about volunteering (to the church), a series about being a happy person (you get the point).

It is not that my pastor can't preach the Bible, he can (I have heard him do it before). He just chooses not to on a Sunday (too seeker sensitive). I feel he has truly lost touch with my generation and the way reach us.

Unfortunately, my pastor in 5 years has never once spoken of any mistakes he has made. He speaks as a perfect man (it at least sound like it to me) , I have a hard time learning from that mentality anymore. I want a preacher that has learned from his mistakes, a man that is not scared to share past experience, and not talk about how good his life has been.

I must admit, my life has been filled with struggle. I want to hear from men that understand that. I want some one to be real, transparent, and understands about where I'm coming from. Not a feeling like "a king speaking to his subjects" (thanks bon-e-due for that line). It is OK to be broken, let people in sometimes. That is what I want, not perfection.

Excellence is overrated!

I feel like I don't belong there anymore. I have grown up. I don't need the playground stuff anymore. I don't need the "fluff" anymore.

I want to see real artistic expressions. I know people there can do it. There are real artists there. I feel like the talents gets boxed in, to many restrictions (it is all about restrictions).
I want drama that takes time time to put together (not rushed that very morning). I want to hear songs that really mean something (and haven't been sung for years and years)(not just picked out of a list because the band can play it).

I want to see artists that have a passion for what they do (not obligation). I want to be in a place that people can feel like they are loved (and not just a another number to put on the screen in January). I don't want to be told to bring friends, so we can entertain them (shorten the service so they can say WOW that was quick).
My church has changed a long time ago. To me the name is just further conformation.

It seems like it is time to move on. I love people there. I loved what it has helped us with. I loved that at one point it was the only reason that we stayed in Richmond.

However, I feel like all that is now over. I fell God is showing me another direction, another path. The name change is just the conclusion of the every changing thing that has happened.

I am very sad about all this. However, I fell like this is a perfect time for my family to move on. So to everyone thank you so much. I feel bad that after 5 years it has come to this. So with this I will be leaving the church I called home and will move on to be part of something different.

I do wish the best and much success to all.

Rod Stewart

2007-11-05T15:09:00.000-05:00

I just can't stand Rod Stewart!

He must be one of the worst singers known to all mankind!

Although, I know of another bad singer around here that is in competition for the title.

Any guesses??

I'm just sayin'

A Tale Of Two Baptists

2007-11-01T16:02:00.000-04:00

I was speaking yesterday to Paul, with a very "Baptist" man from GA. He even goes to 1st Baptist of Brunswick (GA). We were talking about Jesus and how he was not all about sending you to heaven and that Jesus is also worried about life here on earth. And that's why he healed the sick and didn't kill them.

I was telling all about new ways to think about Jesus and at first he looked like he wanted to rebuke me right then and there.

But, he stayed and listened, and after a while it started to make sense to him. He started seeing Jesus different. He told me he thought it was all about heaven and your own relationship with God. I told him that your personal relationship with God is only half of the story.

I explained as how the ten commandments are one of many examples to first have relationship with Him, and then with one another.

He was really in to it. He stared asking questions, and was really interested (almost like he as never heard of Jesus before). Paul was really starting to understand God a lot better. He was excited to hear all this. He was asking were he could learn more and how I "knew so much".

Now he is still a hardcore Baptist, but I hope I opened him up for some new thoughts.

Now I have a hardcore Baptist at work, you know the kind that said John was the first baptist (get it John the baptist)(no for real that's what she believes).

She tells me that we are not all ministers, ministers have to go to seminary. She says that missionaries have to be called from God to reach far away countries.

Well I had a similar conversation with her, and she was not happy with me. She said I was off base, and I need to be careful what I am saying and that I didn't sound very "Christian" to her.

She said I am wrong and Jesus is all about heaven and reaching the 3rd world countries.

That was earlier this week, I have not brought it up again. She does however, keep asking why I'm thinking this way.

Funny thing is, I'm just going though the life of Jesus, the same Jesus she believes in. The same Bible (well she says only the King James bible should be used). She is still very young, but she is to far set in her ways. She says it is just because it "as always been that way". I have tried to tell her that is not the case. I has not always been like this.

I need to just let it be.

So, I say all this to say:

People are going to take things in very different ways. Look two people from the same background, one loved it and was sad when I had to go. One thinks I'm working for Satan now.

And in the immortal words of Bruce Almighty:
"That's the way the cookie crumbles."

Be Very Careful What You Blog (?)

2007-10-31T20:36:00.001-04:00

Well I am new at this whole Web logging (Blog) thing.

So far every post I have put up I have been scared of the repercussions.

Worried about what I say will be used against me. Careful not to speak out about people and my true feelings. Scared for people to realize I'm not the person they thought I was.

I don't want "drama" and confrontation.
But if it is for what I truly feel. So be it!

It seems that everyone is reading every ones blog. So far I have only few readers.

It seems like the only place to be real, you still have to be worried about other people. And there feelings. People are getting offended. People are getting hurt (people just need to shut up).

Others are finding it a place to brag about there lives. Tell others about things they got. And a bunch of other stuff. That is all good, and it does have its place.

The ones I like are the ones that teach, inform, make you think, and laugh.
I like the ones were there is no fear of people judging, and commenting with real emotion.
I like the ones with passion for the topic.

I would like mine to be like that. I still got a way to go however.

Hey....
What the hell is this thing with secret blogs?
I thought you had one, be yourself, and that was that.
It seems like you have to be conscious of every letter and every period.
Even the comments get looked at, and are subject to scrutiny.

I guess I have to be careful what I blog -OR- just don't give a flying crap what people say!!
Yeah, I wont give a flying crap (Oh NO!! Should I have said that??)

Yankee Hater (Again)

2007-10-30T13:32:00.000-04:00

I CAN HATE THE YANKEES AGAIN!!!

OK It may not make sense to you guys.

I am a METS fan, have always been a METS fan and will always be a METS fan!!

However......

I am also a big Alex Rodriguez Fan and have followed him from the start.

Living in South Florida it was hard not to hear about him. (Yes he is a 'Cane!!) Read the sign at the stadium.

So from Seattle I have a A-Rod # 3 jersey, and followed them as much a possible.

When he was in Texas, I had lost interest in baseball, and did not keep up as much.

In 2004 he came to the Yankees, and despite all my years of HATE I decided to follow (still a METS fan first). I did watch games. I even bought a Yankees hats and shirts.

It was also fun messing with my EX-pastor, who was a big Red Sox fan (that game is so over).

Mets games were hard to come by in Richmond , (except the few times they played the MUCH HATED BRAVES) but Yankee games were on all the time.

(ESPN loves them). My biggest mistake was watching them with my kids around.

They say they are Yankees fans now and it is hard to explain that you only "liked" a team and followed them for one player.

Cece says she likes the Mets too (hopefully soon ONLY) I think I have confused her a lot! Abby says she wont change.

I did buy them both Mets hats!!!

I feel really bad, I messed up there whole baseball life.

At least I have a second chance with my son.

I will follow A-Rod to his new team , but this time will not buy ANYTHING from that team. (unless the Mets)

I hope the great lords of baseball may forgive me for this mess!!

This is how my hat will look!!!

YEAH THAT IS BETTER!!!!!!!!

Jesus Would Not Live In Glen Allen

2007-10-26T22:42:00.000-04:00

Jesus lived a simple life. He was a working man, a blue collar kind of guy.
Just was a worker that learned a trade and did that trade.

He was not rich, he did not come from a rich earthly family. He was born in a stable and walked everywhere. He did not have a chariot or a noble stead.

At the pinnacle of his acceptance he rode in on a donkey.

Jesus lived a normal simple life. He had no place to lay his head. No home to call his. No two car garage and no swimming pool.

Jesus did not care what he wore, or who he was with. He went against all the norms of society.

He ate with the thieves, let the prostitutes touch him and poor oil on him. He was not a man that would have enjoyed being rich.

It was not in this human nature.

WHY??

He had to show us that it could be done. That it is OK not to live in Wyndham. It is OK not to drive an Infinity or a Benz, its OK not to be able to buy the big TV.

IT IS OK NOT TO BE RICH

He would have not wanted that. He wanted people to live like him. Simple, normal, with love, compassion, and not judge by what company you work for or how big a check you can write.

He was happy with the donkey ride. He would have been happy with a 1986 Nissan Sentra with only one door working.

I go to a church in a very "high class" part of the area. The parking lot is full of Lexus, Mercedes, BMW, Cadillac.

People are dressed in designer clothes, women with purses that can feed a family for two weeks. I go to a church were people want to be entertained and taught to be good people and have to get begged to give.

I don't get it. BEGGED to give??

I wonder if Jesus would have rode with Ed Young in his Hummer. I wonder if he would take these helicopter rides with some pastors to get to building to building. I wonder if he would have showed up to Joel Olsten's book signings. If he would have been with Ceflo Dollar when he signed for his huge house.

I think Jesus would be like me. Have a used car. Live in a simple house. Go to work, be unnoticed and just touch lives one by one.

I talk, help, teach, comfort to a lot of people everyday. I am dealing with people when they are sick, confused, scared, and dying. Even when they are upset at me and screaming at me. That's were he would be.

I don't know what to do.

I see my self headed towards a money situation and that is OK ! God will provide my NEEDS!
I see myself headed in a different spiritual direction. God will provide my spirituality NEEDS!

I have come to think of it and I am saying its OK to live simple. Its OK to have a used car, its OK to eat home every night. Its OK to have the same clothes for 5 years or more. Its OK that kids don't get 35 Christmas presents.

Jesus would live normal. Not be a CEO for Capital One or Circuit City and get million dollar bonuses. He would not work for Nike or Apple. He would work at that local mom and pop store. He would change oil at Merchant's tire. He would stock at Wal-Mart and YES do Cardiac Ultrasound in Colonial Heights.

Yes, it is OK having nice stuff, Yes he wants you to live life more abundant. But what does that look like.

Yes, nice things are nice things. I like nice things but, I love my family, my friends, my integrity, my faith, my convictions even more.

I would love to have all the things I was just speaking of but it is not what is important. I want to live like Jesus would have.

R-Words

2007-10-26T10:28:00.000-04:00

R- The 18Th letter

Rabbit- My dogs chase them

Rant- A thing I love to do (it is so freeing)

Rave- See Rant (Yeah before I go off on you)

Real- A thing I try to be

Reaper- Not ready to meet him yet

Reduce- Stress, calories, weight, worry, doubt, hate, bad (poor) attitudes, sadness, caffeine (well maybe not), waste, anger, (WOW this list is getting long), laziness, ill speaking, attention deficit, world hunger, Hillary Clinton, bad movies, bad music, confusion .....(OK you get the point)

Rear- A place not to look at (hey none of that thinking)

River- Who cares what side of it you live on

Release- I have a hard time doing

Relax- I have a hard time doing

Radical- If you join the movement you are considered it

Radius- Need to increase it

Ray- Sun

Regular- The kind of guy I am

Right- Verses wrong

Rat- Pack

R & B -Mostly not good anymore

Rap- Mostly not good anymore

Radio- To many advertisements

Return- To the 50s

Richmond- Don't hate or love it

Required- Says who?

Rewards-Don't get to many

Rodriguez- Way to common

***** Reply- PLEASE DO!!! Add your own!!

We Need To Reprogram The Conversations

2007-10-25T10:03:00.000-04:00

We need to get to a place were everyone is real, say what they feel.

I am done with the programmed conversations.

(OK OK I must admit I do this even though I don't want to).

How ya doin'?

Fine.

Then you walk away.

Sometimes you say How ya doin'?

Then walk away with out even hearing the answer.

You some how feel good about that, and feel like you have done something.

I know it is just being polite.

I say (but who am I) it is better to walk on by, then be fake and not really care what the person says.

Most people say Fine. HOWEVER most people are not fine. There is something always going on. Some things good and some things are bad. We need to share in both.

I dislike these people that just refuse to let people in (I am talking about my self as well- I'm working on it).

I was listening to Erwin from Mosaic in L.A and he was talking about asking his 10 year old son for advice just to keep communication and real conversations open.

Parents are always talking to kids and not listening. I am going to work on that myself.

I hope we can get to the point that we have a extra minute or three to listen to each other. By the look of it everyone has something to say. This blog-o-sphere is massive and it proves my point.

I want to be genuine with people, I want to be transparent (to a point of course). We need to build trust first, but it wont happen unless you try. It wont happen unless we give some people trust.

Side bar: There are people out there that can't handle that trust, those you stay back from. Some people just want the "hot" story of the day and tell others. You REALLY do need to know who are dealing with.

So lets try to go a little deeper with each other. Let's try and show our feelings a little more (yeah men- us included)

Why people got to be like that?

2007-10-23T16:27:00.000-04:00

OK so I work in Cardiac Diagnostics (yeah, that makes it sound fancy). Well I work with people all day long. For the most part people are pretty decent.

HOWEVER!! There are those that just have to be big and complete A--HOLES.

All I'm doing is trying to help them, but yet they are acting out like I did something to them.

I have gotten in a few "fights" with people. I have gotten to the point with people that I have to leave the room to hold on to whatever cool I have left.

Hey I am easy to get a long with. BUT I still have that Latin heat that can be quick to blast off.

I HATE when people are like that. Why do they act like the world owes them something and that I need to bow down to them. People think that they are better because they have money, cars, houses, or whatever makes you better.

HEY YOU, You are not better....

UMMMM....Who the (you know what) do you think you are??

I know I'm to love like Jesus, but it is better to rant on a blog than in real life. (I'm not really angry, I'm just pretending)

I know everyone has stories about this....

I can go on....but you get the point...

Show ?

2007-10-23T13:26:00.001-04:00

This is response to a email sent out by a real close friend of mine:

It just seems like some churches (especially in America )have become TO MUCH of a show. To much about lights, cameras, and action. Everything is a script, no room for error or movement.

The word gets watered down to much to reach the "seekers" "the spiritual babies", well how about the young adults to adults in the faith. I feel like we are the "forgotten ones".

The focus is on the numbers: the numbers in church, the numbers in classes, the numbers of volunteers, the numbers in small groups. Less about the lives and the real needs. It is NOT because pastors can't or pastors have forgotten. It is just they are stuck in this model or this way.

Lets be loud, lets make them laugh, lets have a song form the top 40 that they know (so we can be cool) Hey show them whatever!

It is funny the whole time we are stripping it down to match the world, the world is trying to match the church. So once again a miss.

I know that there is a place for this. Five years ago I needed it myself, I needed to be entertained. I needed church lite-101. Now I've grown a little and need more than just Similac.

I feel like Jesus is more, like Jesus is really the revolutionist ready to break the norms. He is more than a skinny guy on a cross looking pitiful.

First Family Picture

2007-10-21T18:45:00.000-04:00

THIS IS THE FAMILY....The first time all of us have been in the same picture.

Just a out of no were comment.....

When did blogging become "the thing". Wow I am looking and it seems everyone has one. And me being this great and wonderful leader, Well I got one.

There will be a lot of things written here SO KEEP IT ALL TO YOURSELF!

Let your Yes be Yes and your No be No

2007-10-21T15:10:00.000-04:00

You know what really grinds my gears (Thanks Peter Griffin for the term)

I HATE when people say there are going to do something and then don't.

I have gotten a numerous amount of people saying that they are coming to see my baby, and have not. I really don't care if they do or not, and I don't care if they bring a gift or not. JUST

don't tell me your are coming and then don't!

So here I am waiting for them or waiting for a call and nothing.

I also have had people say, "Oh we need to get together". Then nothing happens. If you are

doing it just to sound nice and careing, Save it!

Don't do me any favors......

______________________________________________________________________

Most recently we have had some people say there were going to bring meals to us and have not.It is a nice thought, It is a good idea to help.

You know that's OK, I don't really need a free meal. Its just the principle of the thing. I hate

that. It is better not to tell me, then tell me and not do it. At least call.

__________________________________

I am a man that does what I say I will. If not then I call. I know I should not not sweat the small stuff, BUT I DO!!

The little stuff gets me mad. You need to hear or watch Kevin James' comedy special (Sweat the Small Stuff), I fell just like him.

OK bottom line

_____________________

If you tell me something DO IT!!!

I still believe and trust people, even though I shouldn't.

A quick baby story

2007-10-20T20:00:00.000-04:00

Well there he is. The product of a lot of emotion. A trip of emotion that started about 4 years ago. We never thought that it would happen.

Well let me quickly explain some of it....

When Meredith an I got married we already had two kids ( another story for a another time). We had always talked about having more, however we were advised to wait a least one year of marriage before we had a baby.......

Tick Tock Tick Tick Tock Tock Tick .....(add up until you get to a year)......

OK you made it.

Well the year went by and NO baby, no pregnancy for that matter, nothing. So we thought OK we will keep trying..........NOTHING!!

We were really sad and were thinking God did not want this for us.

Then after a long time waiting, she got pregnant and then 12 weeks later, she was not pregnant ( I will spare the details)

OK then we waited again, then got pregnant again. However 12 weeks later, she was not pregnant. ( so you can see how one's faith can get a little tested)

OH MAN was I depressed. I was angry. I had a few converstions with those much wiser than me to get me passed this...

My brother helped (he is a pastor)

My good friend (almost a brother) Joey helped a lot (he is a pastor)

My wife was very strong through this and we pulled each other out of the mess.

*****At this point I was done. N0 more kids for me no babies, no NOTHING!!! I was Done, Hell NO, etc..etc... (can you fell the emotion?)******

Oh yeah ?? That lasted 4 months...In January 2007 Guess What...

No really guess what ( You will never ever guess) Well???? Did you get it???

YES!! She got pregnant again.

WOW!!!!!

I was so so excited.

I could not believe it.

I could not understand it.

I could not have been any happier

I ....

I....

Fill in the blanks.

ANYWAY! Baby came and the rest is History, future and the present.....

HELPLESS

2007-10-16T21:35:00.000-04:00

OK this is my first post so here it goes.... (this is a short version of the story)
I will call it HELPLESS....
Why because that is what a felt just days ago and even more now! Let me explain...

Part 1...
My wife and I just had a baby (my first son) and let me tell you I never felt so useless in my entire life. She was in pain (wow she was amazing) and the doctor that was going to do the Epidural was not going to make it. She was in so much pain and I could not do a thing to help her. I tried but I didn't know what to do. I was almost frozen. I have never cried so much in my life (except when I myself was a baby). I was filled with fear, confusion, and most of all HELPLESS.

Definition:1. Deprived of strength or power; powerless; incapacitated
2.Affording no help.

Get the point??

Well the baby was born buzz buzz buzz (the new yada yada yada) and the baby is here.

Part 2....

I got a call at about 5:00am and it was my wife. She told me my brand new baby was in the NICU (AKA the place you don't want your baby to go).
Oh my God was I going out of my mind. I could do nothing. I was home with my other two kids, had to take them to school and so on and so on. Then when I got there.......

Oh boy here it goes again HELPLESS (see definition from part 1) No No No Not again! But here I was with my brand new son and bunch of doctors (on of them doing a echo ON MY SON!!!)

(side bar: I do echos for a living) (side Bar 2: If you don't know what an echocardiogram is...Umm go play in traffic on I-95 at oh 5:15 pm...Chances are you will need one at some point)

ANYWAY... I could not do a thing. There but not really there. I was told I did the "dad thing". What NOTHING!!! What a KLEE-SHAY (OK I can't spell it) I have become. A man in the medical field having no clue what to do, a dad having no clue what to do, Oh yeah the man is me (you might have guessed it by now).

Yes a quick version to a very long story.
A story that is still beginning and still happening as I write this.

I will let you know (well let me know since I will be the only one to read it) when I know anything.
Well Bye bye to me
Up and Down
Mine